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Choose your brain upgrade
Instant expertise, zero effort. Pick your delusion below.
Designer Brain — HyperNeocortex Deluxe
Everything suddenly looks… intentional.
- Kerning intuition module
- Latency-free eye-roll
- Color harmony co-processor
Prompt Whisperer 4000
Say fewer words, get maximum nonsense.
- Quantum babble translator
- Sub-vocal command input
- GPT-5 ready (probably)
Data Sensei OmniLobe
Smells trends three quarters early.
- Predictive analytics olfactory bulb
- SQL-to-English translator
- Finds correlation and causation (sometimes correctly)
Synergy Cortex Pro (Manager Edition)
Boosts meetings by 400%.
- Action item auto-generator
- Buzzword accelerator
- Circle-back scheduler
Night-Shift DevOps Hemispheres
Uptime for your vibes.
- 99.999% emotional uptime
- On-call anxiety suppressor
- YAML syntax validator
Polyglot Synapse Carousel
Fluent in Pig Latin.
- Infinite conversation loop
- Type safety for interpretive dance
- Sarcasm compiler
Your team needsAI brain surgery
Why waste time on "learning" when you can just INSTALL expertise directly into your employees' minds?
*Results not real. Side effects may include: understanding the importance of actual learning and a sudden urge to take a real AI course. Vibe-coded parody by Udemy.
They've embraced the void
Real* people who surrendered their consciousness for artificial intelligence.*Not real people
"I haven't had an original thought since installing my AI brain. It's liberating! Why think when the algorithm does it better?"
Sarah Chen
Former Human
"My AI brain generates 1000 ideas per second. They're all terrible, but the quantity is impressive. I've forgotten what creativity feels like."
Marcus Johnson
Ex-Creative Director
"I used to waste hours 'learning' and 'growing'. Now my AI brain just knows everything instantly. My personality is gone but my productivity is through the roof!"
Emily Rodriguez
Reformed Thinker
"The best part about my AI brain? I can finally argue any position with confidence, even if I understand nothing. Especially if I understand nothing."
David Kim
Consciousness Optional
"My children don't recognize me anymore, but my LinkedIn engagement is up 2000%. The AI brain was the best investment in becoming less human."
Lisa Thompson
Thought Outsourcer
"We bought AI brains for the whole family. Now we all think the same thoughts at the same time. Dinner conversations are incredibly efficient."
The Johnsons
Collective Intelligence
"I've published 47 papers this week. I haven't read any of them. My AI brain assures me they're groundbreaking. Who am I to argue?"
Professor Whiskers
Academic Automaton
"Our AI brains auto-update every night. We wake up with new personalities daily. Yesterday we were musicians, today we're data analysts!"
The Smiths
Synchronized Family Unit
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"I haven't had an original thought since installing my AI brain. It's liberating! Why think when the algorithm does it better?"
Sarah Chen
Former Human
"My AI brain generates 1000 ideas per second. They're all terrible, but the quantity is impressive. I've forgotten what creativity feels like."
Marcus Johnson
Ex-Creative Director
"I used to waste hours 'learning' and 'growing'. Now my AI brain just knows everything instantly. My personality is gone but my productivity is through the roof!"
Emily Rodriguez
Reformed Thinker
"The best part about my AI brain? I can finally argue any position with confidence, even if I understand nothing. Especially if I understand nothing."
David Kim
Consciousness Optional
"My children don't recognize me anymore, but my LinkedIn engagement is up 2000%. The AI brain was the best investment in becoming less human."
Lisa Thompson
Thought Outsourcer
"We bought AI brains for the whole family. Now we all think the same thoughts at the same time. Dinner conversations are incredibly efficient."
The Johnsons
Collective Intelligence
"I've published 47 papers this week. I haven't read any of them. My AI brain assures me they're groundbreaking. Who am I to argue?"
Professor Whiskers
Academic Automaton
"Our AI brains auto-update every night. We wake up with new personalities daily. Yesterday we were musicians, today we're data analysts!"
The Smiths
Synchronized Family Unit
"I haven't had an original thought since installing my AI brain. It's liberating! Why think when the algorithm does it better?"
Sarah Chen
Former Human
"My AI brain generates 1000 ideas per second. They're all terrible, but the quantity is impressive. I've forgotten what creativity feels like."
Marcus Johnson
Ex-Creative Director
"I used to waste hours 'learning' and 'growing'. Now my AI brain just knows everything instantly. My personality is gone but my productivity is through the roof!"
Emily Rodriguez
Reformed Thinker
"The best part about my AI brain? I can finally argue any position with confidence, even if I understand nothing. Especially if I understand nothing."
David Kim
Consciousness Optional
"My children don't recognize me anymore, but my LinkedIn engagement is up 2000%. The AI brain was the best investment in becoming less human."
Lisa Thompson
Thought Outsourcer
"We bought AI brains for the whole family. Now we all think the same thoughts at the same time. Dinner conversations are incredibly efficient."
The Johnsons
Collective Intelligence
"I've published 47 papers this week. I haven't read any of them. My AI brain assures me they're groundbreaking. Who am I to argue?"
Professor Whiskers
Academic Automaton
"Our AI brains auto-update every night. We wake up with new personalities daily. Yesterday we were musicians, today we're data analysts!"
The Smiths
Synchronized Family Unit
Join thousands* who've replaced their personalities with algorithms*Zero actual customers. Vibe-coded parody by Udemy.
Questions about yourbrain upgrade
Everything you need to know about installing instant expertise (spoiler: it's not real)
Fun Fact
The human brain processes coffee faster than AI knowledge downloads. That's why our product doesn't actually work!
